I’ve mentioned on numerous occasions the run-ins that I have with male library patrons. I was catching up with International Friend via skype the other day when I finally admitted something that I’ve never said out loud before.
Let’s back up for a moment and recap all the lovely qualities of the men who have recently asked me out: one had no front teeth; another didn’t ask me out until he had already told me that he’s unemployed, divorced with kids and diabetic with no health insurance; another is closer to my parents’ ago than mine–actually, all of them are way too old, which makes it all very creepy. The problem is, that I feel bad listing out their poor qualities like this. I make excuses for them, tell myself that I’m sure they’re lovely people, when what they actually are are gross old men who make work uncomfortable for me.
And here’s the thing that I feel like the biggest bitch admitting: I would never date someone who had to come to the library to use the internet.
I am all about breaking down the digital divide, helping people get online who can’t afford their own computer and internet connection, but I don’t want that in my own life. I confessed this to a friend who agreed “home internet access is a real indicator of socio-economic standing.” Putting it that way sounds so shallow and obnoxious, and I’m certainly not a rich lady, never will be, but opting out of the internet at home and using it exclusively at the public library is a whole nother thing, no?
So I put it to you, gentle reader, am I a snob? Is it snobby to put a moratorium on dating outside of your peer group, or is that something that everyone does anyway? I’ve never been such a highly pursued female, so I’ve never had to think about my deal-breakers in this way. If I met one of these guys at a neutral social event would I feel differently?
Someday I’ll write blogs that are less self-indulgent, I promise.
12 comments
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April 26, 2011 at 2:14 am
bonnie
Just food for thought: the nicest person I’ve met recently who just walked into my library was a really sweet and cute dude who about to take his medical exam and (hopefully) begin a residency soon. I don’t remember the reasoning but he was only staying in RI for a month and didn’t have internet access where he was staying. So he came into the library frequently to use the public wifi and the public stations to print. I was also recently without home internet for over a month and had to do the same thing (just because cox cable took forever to hook it up.)
So obviously this hasn’t been your experience with these particular men, but I would suggest that maybe it shouldn’t be a hard and fast rule about the public internet thing and it’s a little hasty to judge?
April 26, 2011 at 2:24 am
Garth
David Cross said something like “ask 99 out girls out and you might get 99 no’s but that 100th one might like do it on a pile of trash. You’re just not ready for dumpster sex yet.
As far as internetz at the library, I think the everyone should do that. Think of all the free time people would have to do things not being addicted to the net. It’s too damn convenient at home. Sure I could go out and be ambitious but I’m going to watch cat videos, surf blogs and post inane crap on facebook instead.
I’m being a total contrarian.
April 26, 2011 at 2:30 am
Michelle
Ha! I love it. Don’t ever settle 🙂
April 26, 2011 at 2:36 am
Andria
Bonnie, you are absolutely right. I was totally flattered when I got asked out by “nice young man doing an internship in Rhode Island who needed a test proctor.” I should have added the caveat: men who use library computers exclusively and will for all time (probably) and who are old and gross.
April 26, 2011 at 3:04 am
Laura
I can’t help but sympathize with the need to date someone who can provide more than a room over his mom’s garage and all the hot pockets you can eat. I know that sounds like a rude stereotype but…..well, it’s true in many instances, so I’m not quite sure how to finish the statement.
April 26, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Anarchivist
Isn’t it more frugal to use the Internet at the library? 🙂
April 26, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Jessie
Nothing wrong with having standards, Andria. It doesn’t make you a bitch – just a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to stick to it 🙂
April 26, 2011 at 5:25 pm
Elizabeth L.
If this makes one a snobby bitch, then I guess I’m a snobby bitch. 🙂
Standards are standards for a reason.
April 28, 2011 at 8:56 am
Flamingo Dancer
It always amazes me how so many men mistake good customer service from a young woman for a incorrect message of “ask me out I think you are sexy!”
May 24, 2011 at 9:57 pm
Megan
Everyone, almost without fail, dates generally within their comfort zone. Sometimes we’re surprised by the person we’re attracted to, or occasionally invited into new opportunities or venues because of someone unlike ourselves. But when it comes to seeking out a suitable mate, we don’t want the idea of every single thing being a battle. It’s called having standards, not being a bitch. Standard Land merges into Bitchville when you’re never willing to challenge your standards, set and enforce your standards arbitrarily, and employ standards only to enforce your personal superiority. Insofar as home internet connection is indicative of a person who is geographically stable, interested in being connected, and financially responsible, it’s probably a fine dating guideline.
And damn, I just wrote a whole paragraph about dating standards and home internet. It’s a good thing I have this home internet connection to obsess about details like this.
July 15, 2012 at 5:49 am
Frank Martino
Some people may not want Internet unless they severely need it. It’s possible some people don’t get It but use it so perodically that they see no point in paying monthly. Which honestly isn’t leeching it’s rather smart.
I’m not saying I do that. I have it on my phone. But I see no point to have I on my computer even though I can afford it.
June 15, 2013 at 2:51 am
Subway Masturbator
Good thing you’ll never be a gross old lady.