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Is that children simply love to climb things, like fences, and garbage cans placed against fences to stop them from climbing the fence.  I’ve been sitting in my reading chair trying to work on a paper (yes, playing word games on the interweb), and the little bastards are tearing through my yard like they’re being chased by wolves.  To stop this, I:

  • turned on the outside light to stop the appeal of sneaking

Well, these children aren’t very stealthy, which is why I’ve already caught them listening to phone conversations, and why I can hear them running around the yard and jumping over my fence, so why would a little excess light be any kind of deterrant– silly me.

  • I started peeking out the window and looking directly at them mouthing words like “go away” and waving my hands

They don’t care.

  • Finally when they were clustered around my car for reasons I’d rather not know, I hit the panic button on my remote car opener, which turned on the lights and the horn and made them scatter like ants.

Naturally, they were back in two minutes.  This is really making me hate holidays and mild weather, which are two things I’d rather like a lot.  Maybe if they’re in the driveway when I try to leave, I can charge them and make them think I’m crazy– or I can call the police.