• Footless tights.

I love tights, but lately when I’ve been shopping for them, I find that all of the best ones are “footless.”  This is something that I genuinely do not understand.  Why would you want your tights to be footless?  Part of the appeal of tights is they act as both leg decorations and socks– take away the sock part, and what do you put on your feet?  Are they meant to be worn with ballet flats and looks a bit like stretch pants?  Is that what we’ve come to?  I bought a pair of these last year because I really loved the color, and thought I’d try it out.  I wear my bright red footless tights with knee socks, which I’m guessing is not what the cool kids are doing.  I’m worried that normal tights are being phased out in favor of these, and it makes me nervous.

  • Romantic comedies.

You know exactly how it’s going to end– the most attractive people who may or may not have hated each other will get together, there will be a major complication along the way, then everything will be wonderful.  Why do you want to sit through that?  I admit, I’ve been fooled plenty of times by romantic comedies that seem like they may be interesting, but they never are.  Also, lately they’ve been really long– more than two hours, that’s just unnecessary.

  • The appeal of Diane Keaton.

I love Annie Hall, everyone does, but aside from that I simply cannot stand Diane Keaton.  I think she was acting like herself in Annie Hall, and in everything else I’ve seen her in, I’m hyperaware that she’s Diane Keaton.  That’s not a good actress.  And while I’m aware that she’s Diane Keaton, I’m also aware that she seems rather abrasive and unpleasant.  Something’s Gotta Give was the worst movie I’ve seen in recent memory.

  • What people who don’t read do with their downtime.

Odds are that these people think they’re very busy all the time and will tell you about it, but this is something I’ve always wondered.  When I was growing up, I’d come home from school and just read, all night.  I had two jobs once I was in High School, and after-school stuff, and hung out with friends, but I always found more than enough time to read at least five books a week.  If you don’t read, what do you do?  There are a lot of hours in the day.

  • Why people freak out on me when I say that I plan to spend the holidays alone.

Last Christmas I had a great plan.  I had 3 James Bond movies, plenty of frozen pizza, and grandiose plans to sleep late and spend the day doing guilt-free slacking.  That all went out the window when I told people that these were my plans even though I can’t imagine in the telling I looked anything but ecstatic– certainly I wasn’t forlorn and “little match girlish.”  Eventually, after a handful of people felt so bad for me, I was told in a tone that broached no argument, “You’re coming to our house,” and I spent Christmas with The Appraiser and his family.  It was lovely, and I like them a lot, but I also had to drive 1.5 hours and put on nice clothes, which was not in the original plan.

  • Why UPS in RI seems so reluctant to do its job.

This afternoon, I have to drive to the UPS warehouse in Warwick (a place I hate so much that every time I go there, I get a bit twitchy even though that’s where the Trader Joes and Chipotle are) because my new black boots were shipped UPS and they just do not like to deliver packages.  I had them sent to Jewish Friends house since my neighbors still steal my mail, she found the slip that she had missed them, signed it, and stuck it back to the door.  Then she found another slip saying that they had made their final attempt.  In my neighborhood, where there are mail thieves and crackheads, UPS leaves packages on my steps to be secreted away by people who are not me; in Jewish Friend’s neighborhood, where there are hipsters and good bakeries, UPS will not leave anything.  I don’t want to have everything sent to work, because that exposes the fact that I buy far too many things online, but I think that’s what it will come to because I cannot specify to Amazon that I do not ever want things shipped UPS.  Do the delivery drivers just like to drive around in the truck all day and put post-its on people’s doors?  Fine if they hate their jobs, but just give me my stuff and go back to your sulking.

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