I used to be friends with this guy, Brian, who was obsessed with his dogs.  He worked overnights at a hotel, his boyfriend managed a Taco Bell, and they lived in a trailer, but they had at least 4 purebred dogs.  Because these dogs were purebreds, they were incredibly breakable and prone to illness and indigestion.  One of them, an Italian greyhound, had broken both her front legs jumping off of the couch.  $600 later, she broke both her back legs the same way.  I’m not saying when your pet is broken you shouldn’t fix it, but don’t get such breakable pets maybe.

 After the dog mended, he snuck her into the café at Barnes&Noble so I could meet her.  She was very cute and little, but also painfully skinny, uptight-seeming, and shaking the whole time.  Whether the shaking was from the tension or cold, I don’t know—you just can’t ask a dog that.  I couldn’t really warm to this rigid and anxious dog despite Brian beaming at me, “Isn’t she beautiful?”

 There’s a kid who works at Stupid Pepsi who reminds me of that dog.  His legs aren’t broken, but he’s so tightly wound that you expect him to just keel over from the stress of existing.  He never wears a coat, but always looks like he’s freezing, and I don’t know if he actually does shiver, but I bet he really wants to.  I just want to run up behind him and scream  “relax!” but that would kill him.

 His sister also works at Stupid Pepsi; Kristie, the trainer, the girls with the most nasal voice I’ve ever heard in my life.  She also seems perpetually tense, though, not as bad as him.  They’re both painfully skinny with startled expressions.  Her smiles seem really forced. I’ve never seen him actually smile; his face would probably shatter. What the holidays must be like with that family.