There is a woman who works at Stupid Pepsi who has been pregnant since I started. The only problem is that I’ve been there for a year and a half.  I can’t decide if she’s pulling a Britney Spears, or if she just hasn’t lost the weight, or if she’s built in the weirdest way possible where all her weight settles into a bowling ball-sized lump in the middle of her torso.

 The entire time I’ve been aware of her, she has not changed size, but I think she disappeared for a while, during which time I assumed she’d given birth, now I don’t know.  I’ve got to know for sure.  It’s really bugging me (when I happen to see her, which isn’t very often, so she could have just been not gone when I though she had been gone, and rather, just not seen by me. I really don’t think about it otherwise, but I really have nothing else to think about at Stupid Pepsi)

Even if I haven’t completely freaked her out with my not-so-subtle puzzled glances, I don’t think I can weasel my way into her good graces and ask what the hell is going on with her stomach.  Plus, making friends even for the purpose of information extraction flies on the face of my quest to be left alone.  My plan right now is to find out when she takes break, and sit close enough to hear her.  I imagine that as soon as I do this she’ll immediately say something like, “Man! Am I glad that’s all over.  Now if I could just lose the damn weight that’s collected around my middle making me look like I’m still pregnant, I’d be happy.”